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Dealing With Deals
Encourager-In-Chief: February 27th, 2019
Understanding your spouse.
Last night, I had a major revelation. As I was emptying my dishwasher, I noticed a spot in the sink. I used a hand cloth to clean it but, when I put it back, it didn’t land neatly. It was folded under improperly. I took a second and I fixed it so it looked nice and neat. I didn’t do this because it matters to me if it was crooked. I did it because I knew it would be a big deal to my wife if it was sloppy.
It made me realize why men and women make big deals about different things. It turns out that we have different criteria as for what constitutes a big deal. To me, a big deal is something that would require a tremendous amount of work, time, aggravation, or inconvenience. For example, if my snowblower fails when I go out to remove 30 inches of snow from my driveway, I now have to push it back into my garage, shovel the entire job by hand, spend most of my day in this activity instead of something I’d rather be doing, and schedule a repair pickup to get it fixed. In my opinion, this is a big deal!
My wife has a different criterion for what’s a big deal. It has nothing to do with how long it will take to solve a problem. It’s based on how many times she’s asked me to do the same thing. Since she’s no doubt asked me to leave the dishcloth as neatly folded as I found it hundreds of times, it’s a big deal to her if I leave it sloppy. Even though it’s something that could be easily fixed in under five seconds, her criteria for a big deal is based on a completely different measuring system.
What this means for you is if you find yourself getting into disputes with your spouse, it’s time to re-examine your individual basis for what constitutes a big deal. Chances are they’re not the same. Understanding what’s most important to your spouse is the first step in pleasing her or him and reducing the number of unnecessary domestic squabbles. You demonstrate your love for your spouse when you acknowledge and respect what matters most to him or her. Nobody will care more about your success than your spouse so quit squabbling and share more of your successes.
“What’s right is more important than whose right.” – Don Hutson
(This blog is based on information from my seminar entitled Relationship Mastery). I encourage you to order my Designing Your Destiny book which also covers this lesson in much greater detail.